Have had questions of why haven't I blogged for nearly a week?
Well, sometimes I feel like I just keep going over and over the same shite!! It does my head in so I think who really wants to continually read the same sad stuff?
I am trying really hard but on the weeks that I do not have my children, I struggle. I struggle to feel like a worthwhile person. I am a mother - with no children.
That is how I feel. At the beginning of sharing the children I didn't feel it. Why? I was numb. I guess I needed such an emotional break, that I didn't experience the pain and the loss and the heartbreak. I guess I also believed that it was temporary. I did think we would get back together. But now...to accept that this is my life. That this is the way it is and the way it is going to be......destroys my soul.
I think about those babies in my womb, in my arms, in my heart and I am lost.
So I sit here alone. I sit here trying to understand where I go from here. What do I do? How do I go on?
I do not have the answers, I will just have to continue to sit and think and dwell and live..
One day,apparently I won't have to feel this lost. I have been told by so many well meaning people that I will be fine. Things happen for a reason. There is something better out there for me.
But what if everything doesn't happen for a reason? What if we only get one chance and if you blow it, you lose. What if I have already had my chance? What if I have already lost?