Well I do believe that something has pinged in me this week past. I rang Michael on Monday and asked if we could meet. I did say that I was having a tough time emotionally with everything at the moment. I specifically said that we needed to talk about all the shit, the animosity, the e-mails the crap. I said that I didn't want to have to involve solicitors etc and that we needed to be able to wotk together for the kids. He agreed and said that he would drop over and discuss these things with me. I got off the phone feeling really good, like I had achieved something. Hoping that finally we would be able to nut out the issues.
That night I received an e-mail stating that I was not to call him and only e-mails would be accepted. I was devestated. He had done it to me again. Just when I thought we were going to get somewhere he changed the goal posts once again.
The next night, after I did not respond to his message I received another charmer saying..and I quote
"I am with Anneleis now, and I don't think you're taking that relationship seriously. As you can imagine, I share everything with her, including communication I've had with you during the day. I don't want her to think that you are forcing yourself on me and disregarding her, when I have chosen to be with her."
I just wanted to talk things out and he seems to think I am throwing myself at him.
Who the hell does he think he is? I give up. I totally do. I have tried the nice way, I have tried to put everything aside to try and do what is best for my children. I have humbled myself over and over again to try and right the wrongs. I have felt guilt on top of guilt. But enough is enough.
I have my first mediation appointment on Tuesday. I will no longer lower myself and try to talk things through. He can *#ck off!!
I have not cried for nearly a week. I have not wanted or needed to talk to him. I did not respond to his messages.
I really feel like I am emerging from the darkness. I feel like I am starting to believe that I am worth more and what I had with Michael was working because I MADE IT WORK!! I do not need to make it work now. I need to focus on me, on what my needs are. What I want.
Finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally I am standing up and shouting. Finally I am looking after me!!