I went for my first mediation appointment today at the Family Relationship Centre at Strathpine. You know it is amazing the emotions you go through. I had not sent any more messages to Michael after his last message about me respecting his new relationship, and was feeling in control. I still feel in control but he just plays with my head.
I spoke to the bank the other day and found out that he hasn't payed the mortgage since January. He hadn't told me and now it is in doubt if I will be able to get a loan on my own in the near future. I was so cranky. I got on the phone and sent off a terse text that requested his call as soon as possible. I then realised that he of course wouldn't ring me regardless. He is gutless especially when he has been caught out to have done the wrong thing. So I told him what I expected him to do. No emotion, no crap. He did, and then suddenly I have friendly e-mails, chatty e-mails, e-mails that would appear to indicate that everything is well in the land of separation. I have continued to stay strong and not try and be sucked back into the cycle. I will no longer allow him to make me feel like the pathetic individual that he evokes in me.
So I went for my appointment, I have put the process in place, I have tried the nice nice and now I cannot do it anymore. I must stay strong and put the needs of my children first. This is about them. This is about their continued well being.
I don't think that he will take it well. I don't think he will believe that this is for the best.
So I sit here on the precipice (I know Suzy wrong spelling) It will go one of 2 ways. He will agree to the process and we may be able to get to a place that will work for us all, or he will ark up and go in head first. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
Come what may........