Saturday, February 13, 2010

A New Beginning

I had a visit from a very special friend last night. I cried (of course) we talked and talked and talked. She use to be my neighbour, and will be again soon, and she new my relationship wiht Michael well. We walked every morning and I bared my frustration with her most days.
She made me relise that I actually don't want to go back (how could I when she reminded me of all the crap?)I am just hurt that he is bending over backward for his girlfriend. I feel like if I could go back, he would do that for me.
I see Michael for who he is and I can finally try and cast off the "rose coloured glasses" that I have been using.
He has always tried to control things, I allowed it. I never truly demanded any of the things I needed from him. I asked, but not demanded. I have to learn from that. He seems to have learnt and is doing all this stuff for her. But has he truly changed? Can a lepoard change his spots? Maybe for a while but is it long term? I guess that is his journey to take.
I have to let it go. I have to kiss my future up to god. I have to resist reading the last chapter and just enjoy my life and my journey.
We only have one chance at this life. I have regrets - yes. I have made mistakes - yes. I am not perfect - yes. I am a good person - yes. I am worth having someone who loves me for me and them for them - yes. Iam good enough - yes.
So I know I will stumble and fall at times. I know it will still be hard. But finally I am ready. Finally I want to be me. I want to move forward and not live in the past. I am worthy and I deserve it.
Watch out world here I come. I wonder if I will need a change of undies??????


  1. I'm so pleased you have reconnected.

    Glad to hear a more positive tone in your posts. You go girl!

  2. go commando ;) I'm so proud of you sweetheart, this is such a harrowing journey and you're doing so well, love you heaps :)