Friday, February 19, 2010

Happy Birthday Blayne

Yes it is finally my boys birthday. He turns 7 today. 7 Years ago I was preparing to be induced to finally have my first child.
Time has flown so fast, and things have changed so much.
I sit here at times devestated, at times positive and at times numb.I never imagined my life would be like this. Such animosity between Michael and I, living alone, being a Numeracy coach(?), being gay(?), looking to buy a house on my own.... so many things that even a year ago I couln't have believed.
I am however grateful for many things in the past year, the love and support of my family and friends, the fact that I have survived the hardest and most difficult periods of my life. The fact that I am standing on my own 2 feet. The fact that I do not have to worry about loosing my kids (he has sworn to me that he will always share custody...lets hope he can be a man of his word).
So today I remember holding my baby boy in my arms for the first time. I remember snapshots of him crawling and laughing and walking and crying. I remember the difficult times but they are overshadowed by the good times. Times where I thought my heart would burst with the love and joy of being a mum. I remember him loosing his first tooth, his first day of school. The day he could actually read and the days that seemed to dissapear and take my baby away and leave a boy. A boy growing too fast, a boy having to cope with things that I never thought he would have to.
I say sorry to my son today for where we are now, but I say I love you and that I will always put you and your sister first in all that I do.
I would also like to thank a very special friend for meeting me in the middle. Making mistakes within friendships is devestating, being able to repair them can at times seem overwhelming. I thank Melissa today for helping me to start on the road of repair. I appreciate her kindness and her obvious love.

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