Tuesday, January 19, 2010

What is Brave?

Thankyou to so many of you who are supporting me through this blog. I have had lovely comments. The general comment is 'Boy you are brave'.
But what is bravery? I do not see that what I am doing is brave. Why is it deemed brave to share your feelings and the truth of what is happening? Why are we so scared to allow good people into our innermost selves?
Well obviously I am not as the last post showed. Bravery and courage is something I guess we would never see ourselves as having, it comes from what others see. I know that my cousin Diane was brave. She was 25 and diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. Everday people would ask her how she was and her reply would be positive and she would say"today was a good day" Regardless of weather it was or not. She was also brave to find out that she was 5 months pregnant while on her treatment and chose to go off all medications to give her baby a chance. She became blind and paralysed as the tumor pressed on those areas. She had her baby at 7 months, and died 2 weeks later. She was brave.
I however am just trying to find a place where I can put my grief and turmoil into words. I need to write it down so I can try to free up some of my head and heart space.
I didn't achieve my goal of not crying today. I cried when I read Kerri's message. Thankyou Kerri!! I also cried when I messaged Michael about custody. I don't know what I believe about psychics and all that but I went to one recently and so did Dani. Both times this topic came up with the comments about Michael going for custody of my kids and that if he won I would never see my kids again. I like to think that I know the man I lived with for 16 years and that he wouldn't do that but I guess people change. I needed his reassurance about this. He has given it but it is definately something that terrifies me.
Anyway as my beautiful friend Toni would say... "Don't worry about things that haven't happened yet" So I will try not to and just get on with it.
Maybe tomorrow I won't cry.......stranger things have happened I'm sure.


  1. You need to learn to take a compliment, it makes you stronger. You are brave just because you are willing to share your life without any sugar coating, how many people do you know who do that? bravery is different in everyone.

  2. hey Tini, I am not asking u to b brave because u already are sis......i would love to b there n give u lots of hugs n cuddles but it will only temporarily soothe u...what i can offer u is my heart n thoughts that whatever happens, u r still my big sis....i will try my best to come over in May,because i do want to hug u n share all ur pain. Hang in there sis, because I want to see a big smile when i come over....love u always...

  3. yeah i wouldn't worry too much about the psychic, nobody can predict the future because it hasn't happened yet and therefore nobody knows what life will bring. We make our own choices in life and you will choose to keep your kids in your life

  4. Katrina, I remember carefully the concept of brave as presented to me at the Game Factory PD last year. We need to be reminded that bravery is not always the big heroic things that people do but the small choices we make that lead us to take risks and do things that are not always easy or that we are confident to do. With this in mind your sharing and reflections on this blog is definitely BRAVE. You are putting yourself out there for everyone to see....this is brave!