Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A new year and a new beginning

It has been many months since I last blogged. My life took another dip, another pothole on the road, but I am not going to talk about it at the moment.
I am not really one for making resolutions for a new year...well not from the usual daily resolutions to loose weight and get fit......but this year is different. I do not see them as resolutions, more goals for the betterment of my life.
I am sick and tired of feeling down. I never used to be like this. Nothing could get me down for long. I always tried to look on the bright side and see the silver lining no matter what. I have lost that in the last 2 and a half years. I have allowed that positivity that was such an integral part of who I was, to be pushed aside. I found it very hard to cope. I found everything very difficult and even though I tried to get above it...I never could. I guess I just wasn't ready. My mind and heart was still grieving and it didn't matter that I wanted to make different choices or decisions..I never could. Something always held me back. The information says that it takes half the amount of time you were in a relationship to recover......Hell!!! I was with M for 17 years. It is coming close to 2 years and I think that I am finally in a place of acceptance and understanding. I am not 'over it' That will take a very long time. But I can finally see the light at the end of a very long tunnel.
My heart is very broken at the moment (again) but I will not allow myself to head back into the dark place that I was for a very long time.
So what do you ask are my goals???? Well I have decided to stop being so god-damned self-indulgent. No more 'poor me', 'why me?' This year will be about giving back to the community. I have signed up for Shave for a Cure (March) I have always wanted to shave my head..... I have also signed up for a volunteer position at the local nursing home. I am also looking at making sewn items and donating them to the home, or hospital etc. I am not sure if this position is for me, but it is a start.
Hopefully I can really start to say goodbye to my demons and start living my life again, a life filled with laughter, joy, fulfillment, and eventually - love.

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